The End

Long blond wavy hair, crystal clear blue eyes, greyish-black makeup, pale flawless skin, pale lips, perfect figure...why can't I look like this? I've always been jealous of these king of girls, women, models..I want to look like them...but I can't...it's impossible, I'm hideous, I'll never bee as gorgeous as these women...and I don't want to be a model just because I'm bulimic and anorexic. No, I want to be a model because I want to feel and look beautiful. To be told I look pretty, even though I deny it all the time. I've been told I look like a model before, but I just haven't really thought much of it until now...But my parents, especially my mom, would never approve of me becoming a model...
I want my long hair back, I want to look like a girl again. I want to be beautiful and not look like a guy. I also wand to be able to love my body just the way it is, and not have to deal with bulimia and anorexia every single fucking day of my life. But that will never happen, I just know it. Because every time I look at myself in the mirror, all i see is a disgusting human being, surrounded and engulfed by fat and all the fears in her life. Trying to cut away her pain. So many scars flood her body from head to toe. But She ends up hurting others in the process..That process leads to suicide, but she doesn't have the strength to slit her throat, slit both of her wrists till they can't bleed anymore, or tie the rope tight enough around her neck...
Just take it all away...I don't want to deal with this anymore, I don't want to deal with life, people, drama...I don't want to deal with anything...I'm not a fighter, I just give up...So just take me away, take me under your darkened wing of death. Muffle all of the screams and numb all the pain. Blur the sight which I can't stand to see anymore.
Just kill me now...right here...right now...go on, no one will care...