Cut Open: chapter four

After dropping off Clair and Cameron at their lockers, Josh and I headed for ours. Walking down the senior hallway, I couldn't help but notice. Where were my other friends? Usually, well in the past years, they would meet Josh and I in the parking lot, or the high school hallway. But I don't see them.

"Hey where's everyone else?"  I asked, looking over at Josh.

"Oh I don't know." He said, smiling, "probably late for school, as always."

And right when he finished his sentence, I heard someone running up from behind me. Suddenly someone jumped onto my back, while tightly wrapping their arms and legs around my body.

"Alex! Oh my god, I missed you!" A girl's voice, yelled into my ear.

"Who-" I started, but was then cut off.

"It's me, Ellena." She said, putting her head next to mine.

"Oh hi!" I said, wrapping my arms around her legs so that she couldn't fall off.

"So what's up brother from another mother? I haven't heard from you all summer! It couldn't kill you to call every once and a while." Ellena said.

"I-I was busy..." I said, my voice trailing off. That's it? That's the best I could come up with. I'm doomed. Ellena has been known to tell if someone was lying, and I sure as hell don't want her to catch me lying.

"Hey bro, where's your sister?" Aiden asked, walking up to me with Tyler, Adam, and Jake.

"Ha ha, she's in class? She's a freshman remember?" I said.

"God damn it..." Aiden mumbled, while we all laughed at him.

"Don't worry Aiden, she'll come around." Tyler laughed, while patting Aiden's back. Aiden glared at Tyler so harshly that Tyler jumped back.

"God, calm down Aiden." Jake laughed. Aiden, heh, the tough one of our group. Well he thinks that he's the tough guy, just because he wears black all of the time. But he is pretty strong, and skinny. Jake was the shy one of our group besides me. He always had his hood up on his sweat shirt, and didn't really talk much. Tyler, well he's more of the druggie and alcoholic in the group. And he gets wasted every weekend. Adam was more of the rocker type. Anywhere he goes, he has his guitar with him. I think it's because a new song could pop into his head at anytime. So he doesn't take the chance and leaving it at home. Ellena, she was like Clair, and sometimes I can't tell them apart. Ecept for their hair. Ellena's dark brown hair was always in her face, and I don't ever recall seeing her eyes before. And we all know about Josh. Ha ha.

"So anyways," Ellena said, " are we skipping school today? You know, so that we can catch up on stuff?"

"That would be a good idea," Jake said, " what do you think guys?"

"Sounds good to me!" Josh yelled.

"Yeah same here." Aiden and Tyler said. I'm surprised that Adam didn't say anything. I wonder what's wrong.

"No not today Ellena," I said, "lets at least get one day in, and then we can skip school all we want."

"Ha ha! Okay." Ellena giggled, sounding a little disappointed.

"God Alex, you're such a downer!" Tyler said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I know." I said, smiling and starting to put Ellena down.

"No! Don't put me down. I'm really comfortable right here." She laughed, while clinging on to me.

"Fine." I sighed, while picking her up again. I hated giving piggy-back rides to people, but for my friends there's an exception. Especially Ellena. I've known her since kinder-garden, and we've always been close. But she always wants to take that relationship further. I don't know. I don't think I ever want to take it farther than what it is now. I mean I like her and all, but I just don't want to get hurt, or hurt her for that matter, " where to ma'am?"

"On ward!" Ellena yelled, pointing her arm forward towards the hallway.

"Damn it, I want a piggy-back ride too!" Josh yelled, pouting. Quickly running over behind Adam, he jumped on to of his back, "Ha ha!"

"Oh shit!" Adam yelled in surprise, while trying not to drop Josh, "you're going to pay for this."

"Be quiet horsey! Ya ya! Giddy-up!" Josh laughed, while bouncing up and down on Adam's back. Ellena and I started to burst out laughing, while the others tried to muffle their laughter.

"I damn you all to hell..." Adam said.

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While still laughing, I walked with Ellena still on my back, down the hall to her first class. We left the others behind because we all knew that they would beat us the the classes anyways. I knew that I was putting some distance between us and the others because their laughs became softer and softer. And then they were gone.

"So where's your first class?" I asked, trying to start a conversation.

"Um, I think it's English." Ellena said, trying to recall her classes.

"Sweet, that's my first class too," I said, smiling," I believe it's Josh's too."

"You and Josh always have to same classes! Whys that?"

"He knows how to hack stuff. I'll just leave it at that."

"Ha ha! Well you should have hacked it so that we have every class together." She laughed, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Yeah," I said, trailing off, " so what's up with you? Like what happened over the summer?"

"My boy friend broke up with me for Amy..."

"Amy? You mean the bitch Amy?"

"Ha ha, yeah..then basically I didn't talk to anyone over the summer."

"Awe, I'm sorry hun."

"I guess I'm just not right for anyone...people keep breaking up with me." She said, laying her head against mine. 'That's not true Ellena, you're perfect. You are right for someone. You're everything a guy could ask for...' I wanted to say, but I couldn't. I couldn't risk her thinking of us as something more, and I couldn't risk ruining our friendship.

"I guess I'll just be single for the rest of my life, and die alone without knowing true love."

"That's not true. You'll find someone." I said, reassuring her.

"Sure..."

"Oh come on, cheer up kid."

"Why should I?"

"Because I said so, damn it." I laughed.

"No."

"Grrr..." I said, dropping Ellena onto the floor.

"Ouch! What was that for?" She said, landing on her butt.

"You wouldn't cheer up, so I dropped you." I said, sticking my tongue out at her.

"That doesn't make sense." Ellena said, trying to stand up. I held out my hand for her to take it. She grabbed a hold of it, and I quickly pulled her up onto her feet. Making her fall forward a bit.

"I hate it when you do that." She giggled, regaining her balance.

"I know." I smiled, while pulling my black hat out of my sweat shirt pocket. I started to put it on, but not before Ellena stopped me.

"I wanna wear it!"

"Why?"

"I don't know, I just want to wear it." She said.

"Fine." I sighed, putting my hat on her head.

"Sweet! I'm all gangsta." She smiled, fixing the hat so that it was out of her eyes.

"Ha ha!" I laughed, while putting my arm around her shoulder, "yeah, totally gangster."

"I love you..." She whispered, while blushing. I couldn't really make out the words that well, but I knew what she meant. I looked down at her in surprise. She looked up and smiled at me, still blushing. I wanted to say it back, but I couldn't. I just can't. And she knew that I couldn't, but she didn't care. And I knew I was going to hear a lot more of this from her. I couldn't let it or her get to me.

"So ready for class?" I asked, stepping in front of the class room door.

"I guess." She said.

"Well come on then." I said, opening the door. We were late, and I knew it. This wasn't going to end well.

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We were about fifteen minutes late. Great. I wasn't in the best of moods this morning, but now I have to deal with the teachers shit. Ellena had already found her seat before I could notice her leaving my side. I walked into the class room, no books, and I just sat down at my desk. Josh was right next to me, so that was good. The teacher, Mr. Black, gave Ellena and me the cruelest of faces that I've ever seen. I ignored it though, and just sat there, waiting for him to say something. The whole class and Mr. Black were staring at me. Why me?

"Mr. Carter, Miss. Kole, any particular reason that you two are late to my class?" Mr. Black said, walking over to my desk, and crossing his arms over his chest. He didn't even bother to look over at Ellena. Wait, so just because she's a girl, that means she gets off scott free? The hell.. " Well?"

"I couldn't get my locker open." I said, not looking up at him.

"Mhm...is that why you have no books?"

"Yes sir."

"And what about you Miss. Kole? Same problems I'm assuming?" He said, turning to look over at Ellena.

"Yes." She said.

Mr. Black didn't seem happy with either of us, but especially me. But oh well, I'm over it. One teacher down, four more to go. I wonder how long it'll be before all of the senior teachers hate me. Probably not long. Mr. Black walked away after a couple of minutes of just standing there in front of my desk.

"Okay, well after that interruption. Time to take attendance," Mr. Black started, "Anna."

"What? Oh! Here!" A girl in the front row said.

"Kaleb."

"Here."

"Alex..." Mr. Black said, glaring at me.

"Here..." I said, with a disgusted tone. Mr. Black ignored me, and went on with the attendance. I was ignoring mostly everyone's name, just because I could care less who was in my class. Until one name in particular came up...the one name that made my heart drop....Jenna.

"Jenna?" Mr. Black said, "well I guess she's absent then."

"S-she's not absent..." I started, my voice cracking.

"Excuse me?" He asked, the whole room got silent.

"She's...she's dead...she died over the summer.."

"Oh well...I'm terribly sorry to hear that." Mr. Black said, in a more calm like voice while walking over to his desk.

Before turning my attention to my desk, I looked over at Ellena. She looked like she was about to cry. She lipped my name, but I ignored it. I stared down at my hands. My nails were digging into the wooden desk. I quickly took my hands off of the desk and placed them on top of my lap. Staring at the markings I made on the desk, I caught a glimpse of Josh looking at me. But for how long now?

"Hey..Alex, are you okay?" Josh asked.

"No...she's gone, and she's never coming back..." I said, starting to cry.

"What happened?"

"Car accident...and I was the one driving." I said, looking over at him. Tears started to blur my vision.

"Oh my god...dude, please don't cry.." Josh said, frowning at me while looking worried.

"I can't help it.."

"Okay everyone! Time to begin class," Mr. Black yelled, "please turn your books to page one."

Everyone opened their books and started to follow along. I pulled my hood over my head, and layed my head down on my desk. I faced Josh and watched him following along in the book. My hair fell in eyes, and I started to dose off. My eyes closed and all of the noise around me started to muffle. Then fade away. I was in my world now...complete darkness and silence..

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"Alex?" Someone whispered into my ear, while placing their hand my back. The ghostly tone sounded familiar, but I couldn't place a face with it, " wake up."

I suddenly jolted up, halfway  jumping out of my seat. How long was I out? Sweat started sliding down the side of my face, and I started to look around. The class was empty, everyone was gone. Except for Mr. Black, doing his paper work at his desk.

"You were out for a long time Mr. Carter," He said, not even looking up from his work, " I about called the nurse down here. Are you alright?"

I looked around some more, ignoring his question at first. Why does he even care? I could still feel the pressure of someones hand on my back. I turned around, and saw no one was in sight. Strange.

"Mr. Carter?"

"Huh?" I said, turning towards Mr. Black.

"I said, are you alright. You seem like there's something wrong. Would you like me to call the nurse?"

"Oh, no that's okay. Where's everyone else?" I asked, standing up and walking over to Mr. Black's desk.

"They went down to a meeting in the gym. Josh tried to wake you, but you didn't budge."

"What? What do you mean I didn't budge? I'm a light sleeper and if someone tries to walk me, I'll wake up."

"Well it surely didn't work this time, did it?"

"I guess not."

"Well...come with me. There's still about a half hour to go in the meeting."  He said, getting up from his seat and walking out the door.

I followed his as we went down the hallway. We walked through the hallways for several minutes until he opened the door to the gym. He placed his hand on my back and walked me into the gym. Everyone stared at me when I walked in. Great.

"Hey Alex!" Josh yelled, while standing up on the bleachers. All of my friends were here too. They were all standing up and waving to me.

"Go on." Mr. Black said, pushing me a little.

I walked in front of everyone to try and get to my seat. Everyone was still staring and whispering to each other. Several girls stared at me and said, " Hey handsome." I looked over at them and waved. Walking up the steps, I finally got to my seat at the top corner of the bleachers. Josh, Adam, Jake, Tyler, Aiden, all tackled me before I could even sit down.

"Hey cutie." Ellena said, giving me a hug.

"Hey hun."

"Where have you been? We've been waiting for you." She said, sitting down and patting the bench next to her. I sat down, and Josh sat next to me. The others sat next to either Josh or Ellena.

"Yeah dude seriously, what happened in class? I tried to wake you up, but you didn't move. I thought you were dead!" Josh said.

"Yeah, sometimes I wish I was dead..."

"Awe hun..." Ellena said, hugging me,"it'll be okay."

"No it won't."

"Sure it will, just think of the bright side of your life."

"What bright side?! My life is so fucked up and I thought that it couldn't get any worse...but it did." I said, pulling my hood over my head.

"Oh come on, cheer up dude." Tyler said. I didn't say anything back, I just shook my head.

"Wh-" Ellena started to say something, but she cut herself off, "What the hell is this? Alex?" She asked, grabbing something out of my pocket. Oh shit. I looked over at her with no expression, "Alex?"

I still didn't say anything. I sat up and grabbed her arm that was holding a knife in it. She tried to shake me off, but I was way stronger than her. But she still had one hell of a death grip on the knife.

"Whoa. Hey watch it!" Josh yelled, grabbing my arm. Right as he said that, Ellena and I both went crashing to the floor or the bleachers. I landed right on top of her, and yet she was still trying to keep me from getting my knife. I sat up on her stomach, holding her arms down, and tightly gripping her wrists.

"Let go, Ellena." I demanded.

"No! Alex you promised you would stop cutting!" She yelled. Thank god no one heard her over the man giving the speech about senior year. I moved closer to her face, not even an inch away, and stared into her eyes.

"I didn't promise anyone, anything." I whispered, taking the knife out of her hand.

"Dude what's wrong with you today?" Josh asked, wrapping his arms around my chest and pulling me off of Ellena. I didn't answer him, I just sat there and stared at the floor. Josh moved up and sat on the bench next to my shoulder. Slowly he started rubbing my the upper part of my back. Which somewhat helped with calming me down. When ever I was little and when I would get pissed, my mom would come and look for me. Then she would rub my back, telling me that everything was going to be okay. But when dad left, it never seemed to work anymore, "are you okay, Alex?" Josh said.

Tyler, Adam, Jake, Aiden, and Ellena just stared at me. I can understand why. I've never snapped like that at them before, especially Ellena.

"Alex?" Ellena whispered, while sitting up and placing her hand on my knee. I looked at her hand. Very delicately placed on my knee, " why did you have the knife? Where you planning on cutting?" I still didn't answer her. So I decided to show her instead, as well as the rest of them.

I slowly grabbed the sleeve of my hoodie, pulling it up to expose my entire arm.

"Oh my god..." Ellena gasped, putting her hands over her mouth.

"Fuck...dude why?" Josh asked, staring at my arm. Tyler and Adam just stared in horror. Aiden and Jake couldn't bare to look, so they turned away. Tears started to over flow Ellena's eyes. Was it that bad?

I looked back at my arm as well. Scars ran up and down my arm and across my wrists.They were all faded a little, but they were still scabbed over and red. But the one that was worst, and the one that had gotten their attention, was the most recent one. The one that went to my bone. Blood started to ooze out of the cut and down my arm. I guess pulling my sleeve up wasn't the smartest idea. But the scab was bound to come off anyways. I watched the red liquid cover my arm, and drip to the floor.

"Alex..." Ellena said, while taking her small fingers and wrapping them around my arm. Around the cut. The coldness of her fingers felt so relieving against my arm. I haven't even realized that I was burning up. But I still couldn't help but stare at the blood. Seeping through her fingers and onto the floor.

I took one of her hands in mine, and placed it against my cheek. Her hands were still freezing, but it felt so good against my burning face. I closed my eyes, and immediately got lost in the coldness of her hands. I forgot everything, and I didn't even question why I was here. I looked over at Ellena, and tears started to fall from her eyes and land on my arm. But I couldn't feel them touching my skin. I was numb.

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When I opened my eyes again, everyone was being dismissed. Our group was the last to leave the bleachers. We were always last for everything. But the teachers didn't care, so that was good. We hung out on the bleachers for a while longer, just talking. Our voices echoed through out the gym. And then it grew quiet.

"Well you guys ready?" Josh said, standing up but keeping his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah." Ellena said, standing too, and wiping the blood off of her hands and onto her jeans. The rest of the group stood up as well, and started heading down the steps. I just sat there, staring at the floor. I couldn't move. Emptiness began to overwhelm me.

"Alex?" Josh asked, "Are you okay?" The others were already at the bottom of the bleachers waiting for Josh and me. But I didn't move.

"I'll catch up...just go.." I said, my voice cracking a little.

"Okay..." He said, starting to walk down the steps, "are you sure?"

"Y-yeah..." I said, forcing myself to try and stand.

"Okay." Josh said, catching up with the others, who were almost out the door.

Pain imminently rushed through my body as I stood up. I've never felt this type of pain in my life before. I hunched over in pain, holding my stomach. Damn it. What's happening to me? Everything started to go hazy, and the voices all around me got louder, but muffled. My balance started to fade as I began to fall forward. My mind was so blank, that I didn't focus on what was going on. I couldn't save myself.

Falling forward, I did a summer salt, banging my head on the seat below me. A different type of pain rushed through me. It felt as if someone had stabbed me with a knife right through the back of my neck. I couldn't bare it, the pain, but I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't move. All I couldn't do is fall. Gravity kicked in pretty fast, and my body started to fall down the bleachers. Every part of my body was being hit, and banged on by the rows of seats. Tumbling and falling down the bleachers I started to black out. I couldn't feel or hear my self breathing. All I could hear was the muffled shriek of a girl screaming in horror.